Crystal Renn Eating In French Vogue: Gross Or Glamorous? | The Frisky

Crystal Renn Eating In French Vogue: Gross Or Glamorous? | The Frisky

the rat's nest is too backed up for writing ∴ photos

style decode

thought process behind rich bitches who think money can buy style:

PATH 1:
figure out a trend of the moment and buy it in every color

PATH 2:
learn the name of a well-known label and buy everything they make no matter what it looks like

PATH 3:
wear the same piece(s) over and over and over again and justify it by thinking that expensive = timeless

PATH 4:
all 3 paths at once/any other combination

gardener nish nish

i have actually decided against being a gardener, but it's okay bc ish vas going to be the biggest austrian supa starh since heetlah:



and i'm gonna be a method actor and stay in character the entire time bc i can do his voice and the outfit is so ME

sniffly

i just got embarrassed of my room. i have the sniffles so naturally i have a billion boxes of tissues and lotion next to my bed, and naturally that makes it look like i am a 13 year old boy who wanks it 5 times a day.

halloween ideas

I PROMISSSEEEE I'M NOT A RACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cheap Balmain

i would die for Balmain. but i got dirt cheap lookalikes. so i'm not ready to die just yet.

giggle bear

mt lion

i just watched on tlc a thing about a woman who got attacked by a mountain lion but survived and at the end they were showing her saying "i have a purpose in life and now i get that it's not about just what you look like and how you dress and whatnot on the outside"
....
then i thought i was gonna cry bc her face changed permanently and because i also thought that that is what is going to happen to me/what i would deserve at this point
ASDFGHJKLGFJKD

Half-swimming

Tweet

about me and boys

wanna know what i'm never gonna do anymore? like actually never gonna do it?

okay well i am never gonna do that STUPID fucking girl thing called game playing/overanalyzing w boys! i'm gonna BE myself. i'm gonna text them back right when they text me, even if my friends are telling me to play hard to get. if i want to call or text or message or any of that shit i'm gonna do it and not ask any of my friends first. i'm not gonna ask my friends what they think about my phrasing of that text or message, and if i do, it won't change whether or not i send it etc. i'm not gonna beat myself up for occasionally having some stage 5 clinger tendencies. i'm not gonna hold it against myself that i made the effort or put myself out there or got rejected or played or ignored or ANYTHING. I DON'T CARE. i'm not looking for anyone or anything right now except a happy life and career for myself. the only game i play in love is the self-respect game, and the high-risk taking game! if i get brutally shutdown or if i end up alone for the rest of my life, so be it, cause it is what it is and game playing is torture.

still unemployed

well i am still unemployed unless daddys bitchwork counts...

but why would i be sad?! i have really nice and concerned ex "boyfriends" who make great suggestions for me!

"well since your all horny and sexual (based off all your shit that comes on my news feed) you should go into some porn
i heard they pay well"

"what the fuck are you doing in hermosa
chasing cock?"

i like to put people on blast on my blog

alright here it is.

the reason i am like this, for people who wondered how this abomination of a person even happens, i can finally explain in one story.

so i have to work as my dad's bitch because no one else will hire me - as i'm sure everyone knows or assumed. one of my tasks is to print out letters he dictates and today, a "personal letter from Dr. Sokolov" kind of really ruined me (at first....but then made things in my life all the more clear). it was a thank-you letter my dad wrote to my mom's parents for letting them (my parents) stay in their (my grandparents') santa barbara place for the big 25 year anniversary. it is passages like this that have shaped my life as lauren kay so:

"and every night culminated in a rejoice in the jacuzzi or shower"..........

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is what i feel like today

the partial pom hawk

they made her tail look all dr seuss

shirt due to college nostalgia

DIGITAL RAT'S NEST EP 1 S1

it's just one (2) thing (s)

ok so tomorrow is a real big day for me and i'm frettin'. a job interview and a sexy boy. i DO NOT WANT TO FAIL at either tasks.

you know what really grinds my gears?

something i really hate: when people (especially ones i haven't spoken to in a while) just approach me, bombard me, and go on fucking rampage about their lives and issues and problems NONSTOP expecting my brilliant advice and full attention, before they have even asked "how are you?" .... if they even end up asking me at all.

i'm not saying i'm fucking perfect but i swear people lately have lost all fucking values and common courtesy and respect. even in my most dire emotional emergencies, i
1. save it for someone i'm close to and speak to often and have an actual relationship with
2. at the VERY least preface it by saying i need to talk about something if they have a chance
3. ask them how they are/what they're up to/if it's a decent time for me to vent

....because unless it is absolutely urgent, there is no reason to be completely utterly selfish. i'm tired of LA/ny/american drama kings and queens who think that not being able to choose an outfit is a crisis. who think that having feelings for their ex is BREAKING NEWS and potentially a HUGE PROBLEM. talk to me when you have some real problems. or ask me if i have time to listen. cause more often than not i have plenty of time to be all ears and would love to help but i just can't stand people who expedite the mutual-respect process.

something really brilliant my therapist Joan once told me was that no one likes you when you project ADD into your personality/ express infatuation towards them, because all it says is that you don't see the person for who they are, and you could be venting to ANYONE or infatuated with ANYONE. you make it all really impersonal.

there are some people who i think FINALLY get it. there are others who close their minds off to all reasoning and just aimlessly pursue and pursue and pursue. i'm not one of you and if i was, i always knew the difference and i never wanted your style.

my SExy dance

true lesbo

"I feel like Lauren gets really wet and excited when she's hooking up" - SARAH KAYLA TOHL out of fucking NOWHERE lmao!!!!!

signs that you are ugly and unproductive to society

you have dressed like a kid a lot lately.

but to make up for it i also play dress up or off

this is my sideboob. is this.... inappropriate?




this post kinda makes me look like a creepy pedophile

sex therapist

so a lot of people think that the reason i talk about sex so much is because im a perverted freak deviant prostitution whore but really it's because i think sex is at least 65% the importance of every relationship, AND it's the only thing that every person in the world has in common.

when i say things about sex i'm just saying it for everybody's own good because a lot of people have private thoughts and issues that they are embarrassed to address, and i take it upon myself to be the voice of reason and bring back communication and SPIciNESS to the bed room!!

tip of the day by me:

it is a really good idea to watch porno together. because like, guys can just see naked body parts to get turned on, but girls really need to see sexual actions happening to get turned on.

i have a lot more advice but i just wanted to put that one out there.

have a spicy monday!

for the people who love hot dogs

you got yer ketchup/mustard and RELISH

THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

ASDFGHJKL!@#$%^&*

ASDFGHJKL!@#$%^&*((*BGR# IY#BEFHJG OV

TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO USE MY A.K. !!!


can't even talk yet.

but today i applied for 4 jobs and already got 1. who AM i???

the job? MY FIRST GIG!!!! I GOT A SHOW! i'm gonna be on "The Crew" next month!!!!!!!! THANKS SO MUCH TO THE PROSER FAMILY AND CASSANDRA H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not to toot my own horn or anything, but i reallllllllyyyy wanna watch my audition tape. zoe literally fell over laughing and brandon almost choked. chip and rachy laughed so hard!!! ASDFGHJKL. filming = next month. sooooofuckinggoddamnexcited!!!


oh and it doesn't hurt that i fucking got a free quad tonight.......

"we don't sell. we GIVE" - the most beautiful people in the world. adopt me!!!

girls and why they fuck w they headz

i have the best therapist in the world!!!!!! her name is joan and ill kill you if you steal her from me. but okay in reality she's the best thing that ever happened to me.

today we talked about a really bad nightmare i had last night (i have the realest, most traumatic nightmares when i don't smoke marijuana) which involved me taking my dog to coachella and losing her!!!!!!!!!!!! my poor baby defenseless little dogdog girl :( when i woke up i searched for her frantically to make sure she was alive and able to cuddle. she was.

joan said that dreams about losing a little animal has more to do w a fear of losing yourself/ your inner child. she's so fucking smart. like......jeopardy smart. i hate that therapists have to have a completely professional relationship w their clients cause i wanna hang out w her.

we were talking about jobs cause i need one and she said her first job was when she was 14 and had to do like stupid modeling in the window at jc penney hahahahaha and then she was joking that she should do that for old ladies on saturdays as a part time job. i said i would totally come visit and she said that's exactly why she WOULDN'T do it. i was like "jooooaannnnn i would like invite you to my WEDDING!!" which i am completely serious about STILL. my mom said it's okay and that her patients invite her to their weddings so i hope joan comes to mine if i ever have one!!

by the way i NEVER proofread/edit anything i write (never did in school either) bc i feel that it is more honest that way. can't cha tell?!?!

me: "do you think Joan would hang out with me if it were legal?"
my mom: "stop trying to make her be friends with you"
me: "but she's the only person who says nice things to me"
my mom: "but then she wouldn't be your therapist anymore, she'd just be your friend and get emotionally invested."
me: "she already IS emotionally invested. she said she would be very sad if i died or went to jail."

workin out barbie on the rise-n-grind

thought of today:

i am rather opposed to old folks dating new people after their spouse dies. i guess i could compromise for younger couples but .....i accept that like i accept "libertarians." but it only got worse when my mom totally agreed w the other side saying "if i died i would want dad to start dating and find someone new" ASFHJKGHJK i even asked her if she meant like NOW, if (godforfuckingbid) she died tomorrow. she said yes. THAT'S JUST WRONG! i understand that people get lonely and i guess it's okay but i don't know. huge moral/ethical conflict.

in my eyes IT'S STILL CHEATING
dying ≠ breaking up

by the way i wrote this last night so when i say it's the thought of the day, i actually mean yesterday's today. peace up non h8-ing californians!

bipolar mood swing 9432798.45

i improved a little bit since that scary crazy time a few hours ago, and came here just to share the following:

i'm here to teach you a line that does NOT work on men:

(them): how are ya
(me): a lot better now that i'm talkin to you..
(them): why, what was wrong before?

>NO!!!! wrong response! they don't get it. DENSE SKULLS IN THEY BRAINS



yeah i just put you on blast on my blog

the truth: i am a social outcast

well well well i am in a really bad mood bc let's be honest, i am a huge outcast of society and have been for my whole entire life and it sucks. and when people try to bring me out of it, i decline because i have really bad social anxiety. i self sabotage the shit out of ...myself. and when i accept invitations, i get crippling anxiety the whole day (or more) in anticipation, and i end up doing bad things like getting too drunk because i never feel like i fit in anywhere. or i get invited out only for superficial reasons. or people try to put pressure on me to do something. i used to be a huge pushover from like age 14-20 and at least i have overcome that and done like a complete 180. but i still hate that i have to REMIND myself to think "am i doing this because i want to or because i'm just making things easier for someone ELSE?" Like i always say, whenever i am about to get pushed over, i just think "what would LARRY do?" and he would say "NO THIS IS BULLSHIT."

random thought: I HATE HOW PEOPLE ONLY TALK TO ME WHEN THEY ARE BORED AND NEED TO PASS THE TIME.

i am in a really disappointed mood right now and depressed as per usual the last week or so. i wish i had a boyfriend and i only say that bc i want someone to make me a priority to talk to. everyone else just sees me as a go-to when they are bored or not with their significant others or because they need something from me or want my advice (that they are only half listening to anyway.)

i feel so bitter and pessimistic right now and alone and i hate that tomorrow i will wake up and still not have a job or do anything with my worthless life, and will do nothing about it because i can't seem to shake my addiction to punishing myself.

my therapist said i have anhedonia, which is the complete opposite of hedonism: i.e., i find pleasure in....NOTHING. good call joan, spot on. i hate books i hate movies i hate everything i try, EVERYTHING bores me after like 2 minutes, i have no hobbies, i pretend things are going to change but they don't. and it's entirely my fault bc i am the only person who can change my life, but i'm too apathetic and masochistic to do it.

i hate how i think everyone judges me for what i say and do and write, that they think im weak bc of how self-deprecating i am, and worst of all, that i even care what they think. maybe i'll read this all tomorrow and cringe at how scary i am when i get to these severely low points. maybe i'll get really fucking embarrassed by my dramatic ways and the public route i took to express it, but at least i know i'm fucking brave and ballsy and if i didn't have that then i wouldn't have ANYTHING.

ish love mein new bathingsuit

isn't it GREAAAAATTTT it looks like katy perry

whacky inflatable arm man

it's really true what they say about how the things you hate about other people are subconsciously what you hate most about yourself.

i'm too depressed to write anymore and i can't be funny when i'm depressed unless it's something so twisted that stephen king would look like a tiny little baby bear cub. i wish i could have fucking thought of someone better than stephen king.

speaking of bear cubs, i saw the cutest pomeranian today at the at&t store (bought an iPhone4. won't receive it in the mail for a week. at&t suck it) named Halle Bear-y and she looked like an actual baby bear w her special haircut

i take in the deepest information and derive the most value from 1 and 2-star (* and **) movies. either i pick the really underrated ones, or i am fucking warped

i can't write anymore..i'm too boring and embarrassing

(final note: i HATE people who bash on self-deprecation, it is totally funny and a great way of being honest about your flaws. don't lecture me about how i'm making myself more depressed by putting myself down....i'm relieving myself better than your last whack off session)

something awful happened to me.

yes something traumatic happened. it's called THIS PICTURE:



did you know that that's Tara Reid? i'm not talking about the body issues cause that's nothing new, i'm looking at that FACE...... she looks like a convicted murderer meth-head. not that anyone cares about her these days, not that it's surprising that she ended up doing this to herself,.....but come on, she and many others/hollywood did THIS to herself and that's more than fucked up it's just sad. yeah boo hoo wahh wahhh wahhhhh call the Wahhhhhmmmbulence whatever such a white girl problem (boo hoo look at what HOLLYWOOD did to me i'm so fucking unfortunate woe is me) but still i am sad that people who are surrounded by people and watched all the time end up like this.

some people will enable you to death.

ready to talk about zoe

my best friend in the world since i was 5 years old, Zoe Liana Proser, was viciously assaulted one week ago last saturday night (july 17 2010). many of you have been seeking the full story, and after a week of keeping a low profile i am coming forward with the details.

so after a long night we were chillen at brandon's house and preparing to go home around 3 am. brandon and i were going to go in zoe's car back to her house, and danielle was leaving to go back to silverlake. brandon danielle and zo were outside on the sidewalk as i pulled some last minute shennanigans and goodbyes in the house. i heard their laughter outside and zoe say "lauren! i'm not waiting for you!" so i began to make a departure when i heard crazy yelling mixed into the banter outside.

as i opened the door to see what was going on, i saw a girl running towards my friends on the sidewalk and tried to recognize her, but could not. her arms were outstretched forward, her hands positioned like claws in front of her as she tore down the street in the direction of my friends. when i was unable to identify this person, i then assumed it was a crazy schizophrenic bum or something of the like. to my great shock and horror, she ended up charging right into zoe and tackling her to the ground. it all happened so fast and i was STILL assuming this had to be some sort of mistake.

worse yet, the girl began to attack zoe brutally on the ground, grabbing her by the head and slamming it into the pavement (not even the grass - the fucking pavement) repeatedly around 3 or 4 times. she pulled strands of zoe's hair straight out of her scalp and would not stop until brandon was able to break up the attack and remove the bitch.

at this point, the girl (who most probably was under the influence of a range of substances, combined with a series of natural mental illnesses i'm sure) was hysterical and claiming she thought zoe was someone else. the girl rambled on about having just gotten married the previous day, and thought zoe was someone she suspected was cheating with her new husband.

no part of that explanation excuses SHIT, and attacking ANYONE like that no matter what they have done has no justification. even worse when the recipient of a malicious attack is an innocent bystander.

as we followed the attacker to find out who the hell she was (and how we could get her behind bars) she was met by a woman claiming to be her grandmother. the grandmother protected her and guided her back to their apartment, which was only 3 doors down across the street from brandon. the grandmother was a remorseless nasty wench who told US to "fuck off" and defensively challenged our threats to call the police by yelling "ok CALL the cops, SEE what the fuck happens," and went back to hide herself and her granddaughter in their apartment.

when the cops arrived they had the paramedics come to make sure zoe was alright, and she was, fortunately, and did not suffer a concussion or anything else too serious. but the cops were not of much help in that they merely knocked on the door of the attacker and her grandmother, who were obviously inside the apartment but were hiding and ignoring the police. the cops informed us that they can't go inside if there is no warrant out or if no one voluntarily opens the door, which was infuriating. i think they could have at least slipped SOMETHING underneath the door, or surrounded the building until they came out since obviously they would have to come out eventually.

but they didn't. the cops collected our statements and i am a witness who saw it with my own eyes, (along with brandon and danielle) and i will absolutely testify in court once we are able to press charges.

the only information we have is:

- the address of where the attacker's grandmother lives (the attacker herself occasionally lives there, but comes and goes as she shadily pleases)
- the girl incoherently told me her name was something along the lines of Anastasia (which she pronounced "na-sta-cia" or something like that)
- anastasia and her grandmother are affiliated with the russian mafia and do shady things like change their names, pay their rent up front in cash every month, and the grandmother actually witnessed her own husband get bludgeoned to death by the mob many years ago (source: the building landlord)

and a few other vague things that you may ask me about if you wish.

i cannot stop thinking about the "what-if.......?" 's in this scenario, though i shouldn't because they will only drive a person crazy. but what if the girl had a weapon or a bottle on her? what if she attacked someone who was alone? all of these things are too terrible and horrifying to contemplate and the best i can do is be grateful that my best friend was not killed or seriously injured.

the world is a sick place. we are naturally trusting as humans. no one would or should expect a person they have never met before to come charging at them and attack them, especially unprovoked. but it happens. and it damages all of us. i feel like i aged 20 years right then and there and within the last week (2 weeks really, due to an experience i had the previous weekend). if anything, i have developed even more perspective on the world and what the fuck actually matters in life - and in re. many people my age, i just want to shake them and scream in their face that it's NOT about a fucking high school popularity contest. we may be young in the grand scheme, but we are at least old enough to stop wasting our energy harping on drama and hating on people.

so if you want to talk to me about why you hate me or my friends, why you don't want me to be invited somewhere, why i didn't go to this or that party, etc etc etc, just re-focus on the fact that you are lucky to be alive and you could be dead or in jail or without your lifelong best friend/family member. i could have been.

how am i supposed to feel

"i am sadistically in love with you" - anon

this is my avatar

COMING SOON

sarah and myself photogging and modeling after a hectic day at the car wash w peach rings and kit kat and m&m's! risotto to follow

wish i could be recession-proof'd

signs that you are poor like me:

1. you feel good about yourself when you can afford things in quarters/dimes/....nickels even.....yeah i said it i meant it
2. you can't afford DEODORANT on your own
3. $20 = really rich
4. you would rather get something for free than have sex
5. ... and when you wake up in the morning and see something you got for free, it is the best, most validating feeling in the world to know you didn't pay for it.

i am always my most honest when i first wake up

i would probably admit to murder if i first woke up and you asked me enough.

i was just stalking some one who people think is cool but i honestly think it is all bc of this person's money......this person is very overweight and not typically attractive WHICH I AM NOT DISCRIMINATING AGAINST but i am just surprised they have won the respect of certain individuals who so harshly judge everyone else. not that my frame of reference is especially credible or even respectable anymore, but somehow these people have affected me and gotten under my skin. it's embarrassing to admit that but people should know and i should be honest w myself

3 things i need to be completely honest about soon:

1. last saturday
2. double-last friday
3. all of the ugly people i have ever hooked up with...oh wait there isn't even enough bandwidth on the internet for that whole thing

i hate titles

i think i know my NEWEST criteria: NOT AMERICAN

the weirdest lemon in the world contest

i found it. he was my son for a few days and i named him Conway. he's dead now but happily settled into freak lemon heaven

some one said they love me cause im crazy and strong

you know how i know i'm schizophrenic ? because last night a really sharp-looking clothes hanger was hanging on my bed post and i had so much anxiety about sleeping w it so near to me that i HAD to hide it deep in the closet. just in case some one broke in and found the hanger and stuck it in my eye. i hate sharp things and eyes.....or bugs and eyes....just anything and eyes. mascara is dangerous and i push my luck every time i use it but i just keep coming back for more

ENFP

i just took a quiz on monster.com about what career i should have based on my personality and i am now in the worst fucking mood EVERRRRRRRR

this is why i never want to enter the fucking career world and im so mad that no one ever supports me wanting to do what i REALLY WANT TO DO . instead i get this bullshit thrown at me

• Advertising account executive
• Career / outplacement counselor
• Management consultant
• Developer of educational software
• Journalist / magazine reporter
• Graphic designer
• Art director
• Copywriter
• Corporate team trainer
• Psychologist
• Inventor
• Human resources professional

NO!!!!!!!!

SUCK MY DICK!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU ASDFGHJKL:!@#$%^&*() im so angry right now this is BULLSHITTTT

☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠

the return of karma

maybe i'm not a horrible person afterall cause the luckiness i have that i barely deserve is BACK! i lost my phone and wallet last week (debating if i am going share the entire story later on [but i really am pushing myself to]) and therefore everything in the wallet like my driver's license....

since the DMV is THE biggest bitch IN the world and everyone was telling me to go early in the morning.......i did the exact opposite and went around 3. i walked in, no appointment, no line, no wait, done signed and sealed in 5 minutes.

i'm not dead. i'm not in jail. i think im back on track

welcome toooooo.... the digital rat's neesssssttt

hello and welcome friends and enemies and stalkers. i am going to try to blog again under the following 5 principles:

1. ⚡ ĥ Ꭿ ℘ € ⓢ !!!!!

i love shapes / symbols w.e. bc i love themmm and bc im probably autistic (i usually see things in terms of pictures instead of words - this allegedly according to my friend michelle is one of the first signs of autism)

2. NON-CENSORSHIP

i hate censoring myself/anybody and i can be very offensive, stupid (usually for fun but sometimes for real), obnoxious, random and anything else in the name of shock value and, more importantly, the truth...i started being completely honest a few years back and it works for me (it could work for you too)

3. MY LIFE

my goal is to be really honest and hold back nothing because that's how i am when im comfortable enough. a lot of things in my life are in poor taste and embarrassing but i'm discussing them anyway bc this is basically my diary

4. ART AND FASHION AND PICTURRESSS!!!!

because of.... BECAUSE. do i need to have a reason for everything??

5. TRYING TO MAKE MONEY

because i wanna make money and i wanna sell all my material objects

if you only read my blog because you hate me and just want to see how embarrassing and stupid i act, that's totally fine w me bc i don't have to know! and even if i did i wouldn't care cause it's just my schtick. and self deprecating humor is my favorite cause i wanna be like larry

shen-qui .