this is what i feel like today

the partial pom hawk

they made her tail look all dr seuss

shirt due to college nostalgia

DIGITAL RAT'S NEST EP 1 S1

it's just one (2) thing (s)

ok so tomorrow is a real big day for me and i'm frettin'. a job interview and a sexy boy. i DO NOT WANT TO FAIL at either tasks.

you know what really grinds my gears?

something i really hate: when people (especially ones i haven't spoken to in a while) just approach me, bombard me, and go on fucking rampage about their lives and issues and problems NONSTOP expecting my brilliant advice and full attention, before they have even asked "how are you?" .... if they even end up asking me at all.

i'm not saying i'm fucking perfect but i swear people lately have lost all fucking values and common courtesy and respect. even in my most dire emotional emergencies, i
1. save it for someone i'm close to and speak to often and have an actual relationship with
2. at the VERY least preface it by saying i need to talk about something if they have a chance
3. ask them how they are/what they're up to/if it's a decent time for me to vent

....because unless it is absolutely urgent, there is no reason to be completely utterly selfish. i'm tired of LA/ny/american drama kings and queens who think that not being able to choose an outfit is a crisis. who think that having feelings for their ex is BREAKING NEWS and potentially a HUGE PROBLEM. talk to me when you have some real problems. or ask me if i have time to listen. cause more often than not i have plenty of time to be all ears and would love to help but i just can't stand people who expedite the mutual-respect process.

something really brilliant my therapist Joan once told me was that no one likes you when you project ADD into your personality/ express infatuation towards them, because all it says is that you don't see the person for who they are, and you could be venting to ANYONE or infatuated with ANYONE. you make it all really impersonal.

there are some people who i think FINALLY get it. there are others who close their minds off to all reasoning and just aimlessly pursue and pursue and pursue. i'm not one of you and if i was, i always knew the difference and i never wanted your style.

my SExy dance

true lesbo

"I feel like Lauren gets really wet and excited when she's hooking up" - SARAH KAYLA TOHL out of fucking NOWHERE lmao!!!!!

signs that you are ugly and unproductive to society

you have dressed like a kid a lot lately.

but to make up for it i also play dress up or off

this is my sideboob. is this.... inappropriate?




this post kinda makes me look like a creepy pedophile

sex therapist

so a lot of people think that the reason i talk about sex so much is because im a perverted freak deviant prostitution whore but really it's because i think sex is at least 65% the importance of every relationship, AND it's the only thing that every person in the world has in common.

when i say things about sex i'm just saying it for everybody's own good because a lot of people have private thoughts and issues that they are embarrassed to address, and i take it upon myself to be the voice of reason and bring back communication and SPIciNESS to the bed room!!

tip of the day by me:

it is a really good idea to watch porno together. because like, guys can just see naked body parts to get turned on, but girls really need to see sexual actions happening to get turned on.

i have a lot more advice but i just wanted to put that one out there.

have a spicy monday!

for the people who love hot dogs

you got yer ketchup/mustard and RELISH

THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

ASDFGHJKL!@#$%^&*

ASDFGHJKL!@#$%^&*((*BGR# IY#BEFHJG OV

TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO USE MY A.K. !!!


can't even talk yet.

but today i applied for 4 jobs and already got 1. who AM i???

the job? MY FIRST GIG!!!! I GOT A SHOW! i'm gonna be on "The Crew" next month!!!!!!!! THANKS SO MUCH TO THE PROSER FAMILY AND CASSANDRA H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not to toot my own horn or anything, but i reallllllllyyyy wanna watch my audition tape. zoe literally fell over laughing and brandon almost choked. chip and rachy laughed so hard!!! ASDFGHJKL. filming = next month. sooooofuckinggoddamnexcited!!!


oh and it doesn't hurt that i fucking got a free quad tonight.......

"we don't sell. we GIVE" - the most beautiful people in the world. adopt me!!!

girls and why they fuck w they headz

i have the best therapist in the world!!!!!! her name is joan and ill kill you if you steal her from me. but okay in reality she's the best thing that ever happened to me.

today we talked about a really bad nightmare i had last night (i have the realest, most traumatic nightmares when i don't smoke marijuana) which involved me taking my dog to coachella and losing her!!!!!!!!!!!! my poor baby defenseless little dogdog girl :( when i woke up i searched for her frantically to make sure she was alive and able to cuddle. she was.

joan said that dreams about losing a little animal has more to do w a fear of losing yourself/ your inner child. she's so fucking smart. like......jeopardy smart. i hate that therapists have to have a completely professional relationship w their clients cause i wanna hang out w her.

we were talking about jobs cause i need one and she said her first job was when she was 14 and had to do like stupid modeling in the window at jc penney hahahahaha and then she was joking that she should do that for old ladies on saturdays as a part time job. i said i would totally come visit and she said that's exactly why she WOULDN'T do it. i was like "jooooaannnnn i would like invite you to my WEDDING!!" which i am completely serious about STILL. my mom said it's okay and that her patients invite her to their weddings so i hope joan comes to mine if i ever have one!!

by the way i NEVER proofread/edit anything i write (never did in school either) bc i feel that it is more honest that way. can't cha tell?!?!

me: "do you think Joan would hang out with me if it were legal?"
my mom: "stop trying to make her be friends with you"
me: "but she's the only person who says nice things to me"
my mom: "but then she wouldn't be your therapist anymore, she'd just be your friend and get emotionally invested."
me: "she already IS emotionally invested. she said she would be very sad if i died or went to jail."

workin out barbie on the rise-n-grind

thought of today:

i am rather opposed to old folks dating new people after their spouse dies. i guess i could compromise for younger couples but .....i accept that like i accept "libertarians." but it only got worse when my mom totally agreed w the other side saying "if i died i would want dad to start dating and find someone new" ASFHJKGHJK i even asked her if she meant like NOW, if (godforfuckingbid) she died tomorrow. she said yes. THAT'S JUST WRONG! i understand that people get lonely and i guess it's okay but i don't know. huge moral/ethical conflict.

in my eyes IT'S STILL CHEATING
dying ≠ breaking up

by the way i wrote this last night so when i say it's the thought of the day, i actually mean yesterday's today. peace up non h8-ing californians!

bipolar mood swing 9432798.45

i improved a little bit since that scary crazy time a few hours ago, and came here just to share the following:

i'm here to teach you a line that does NOT work on men:

(them): how are ya
(me): a lot better now that i'm talkin to you..
(them): why, what was wrong before?

>NO!!!! wrong response! they don't get it. DENSE SKULLS IN THEY BRAINS



yeah i just put you on blast on my blog

the truth: i am a social outcast

well well well i am in a really bad mood bc let's be honest, i am a huge outcast of society and have been for my whole entire life and it sucks. and when people try to bring me out of it, i decline because i have really bad social anxiety. i self sabotage the shit out of ...myself. and when i accept invitations, i get crippling anxiety the whole day (or more) in anticipation, and i end up doing bad things like getting too drunk because i never feel like i fit in anywhere. or i get invited out only for superficial reasons. or people try to put pressure on me to do something. i used to be a huge pushover from like age 14-20 and at least i have overcome that and done like a complete 180. but i still hate that i have to REMIND myself to think "am i doing this because i want to or because i'm just making things easier for someone ELSE?" Like i always say, whenever i am about to get pushed over, i just think "what would LARRY do?" and he would say "NO THIS IS BULLSHIT."

random thought: I HATE HOW PEOPLE ONLY TALK TO ME WHEN THEY ARE BORED AND NEED TO PASS THE TIME.

i am in a really disappointed mood right now and depressed as per usual the last week or so. i wish i had a boyfriend and i only say that bc i want someone to make me a priority to talk to. everyone else just sees me as a go-to when they are bored or not with their significant others or because they need something from me or want my advice (that they are only half listening to anyway.)

i feel so bitter and pessimistic right now and alone and i hate that tomorrow i will wake up and still not have a job or do anything with my worthless life, and will do nothing about it because i can't seem to shake my addiction to punishing myself.

my therapist said i have anhedonia, which is the complete opposite of hedonism: i.e., i find pleasure in....NOTHING. good call joan, spot on. i hate books i hate movies i hate everything i try, EVERYTHING bores me after like 2 minutes, i have no hobbies, i pretend things are going to change but they don't. and it's entirely my fault bc i am the only person who can change my life, but i'm too apathetic and masochistic to do it.

i hate how i think everyone judges me for what i say and do and write, that they think im weak bc of how self-deprecating i am, and worst of all, that i even care what they think. maybe i'll read this all tomorrow and cringe at how scary i am when i get to these severely low points. maybe i'll get really fucking embarrassed by my dramatic ways and the public route i took to express it, but at least i know i'm fucking brave and ballsy and if i didn't have that then i wouldn't have ANYTHING.